Dark Night of the Soul Testimony

May 24, 2014, I was about to be homeless. I had kept being arrested for things like walking home from a bar, and being held with the ability to pay my bail, but not being allowed to pay my bail. That is another testimony. Being held on a public intox charge for 27 days, and some other things that happened, made it so that I could not work or keep my apartment, and I was not going to plead guilty. I was feeling similar to Jonah. A variety of inopportune things were happening to me. God had called me, and he had things for me to do. He needed me to work for him, and sever some ties. I kept seeing visions of disaster and war, famine, and plague around the corner. I let go. I cut the cord.

I really liked living in Tennessee other than being arrested a few times, and I really liked where I lived. After my trouble with the law, I just felt sick about the place and fed up. I had the feeling that I was so disgusted with the state that I could not stay there another minute. I needed to move. I believe it was the last day of May, I started driving to North Carolina with everything I had on me in my F150.

What exactly brought me to North Carolina? I had been stationed there while in the Army. I had really liked North Carolina. There was also a female friend I had kept in touch with, and was working to marry her who lived there. I was a bridegroom looking for a bride. She was around 30 or so, and was a business woman. I had been talking to her for a couple months about being with her.

What does being a Bridegroom Looking for a Bride actually mean? I took a lot of pride in my apartment and worked to keep it pretty clean. Living alone isn't always easy. One day Spring 2014 I felt like a Bridegroom looking for a Bride. I needed a helper. It was like there was a mental block in my head or a motivational vacuum, and I stopped doing particular things around my apartment in terms of cleaning. I suppose it was additional motivation. I also started having problems reading and concentration on things not of God. I needed a helper.

I drove into Raleigh being driven by "Wagon Wheel."I had become aware of the Ties That Bind, and a lot of spiritual things. I saw that God sets up miracles, at times, and he needs someone to walk into them. 

I was working into homelessness around 2014 around North Carolina. I stayed in hotels the first two weeks or so. I ended up Saturnaliaing for all I had. That is, I partied down. I maxed out my credit card, and my bank account was over draft. I spent my money till I had no more. I spent it mostly on food and drink and hotels and gas. I was learning about Faith and how far I could go. Where I could reasonable lean on God? God was teaching me about Faith. I learned don't trust man, trust God.

Until It Sleeps

The following happened the first two weeks I was in North Carolina:

Dreams are often profound. I have had many dreams. I had never had a dream in High Definition IMAX. June 2014, I had a dream that was like I was at a movie theater to some degree. It was completely different than any other dream I had ever had before. A bright light like lighting flashed, and out the the light came the Delorean from "Back to the Future." I am in a black background like it is night with no stars, and there is nothing beneath my feet but I am aware that I am standing. The Delorean parks several feet away from me, and two entities come out. There were like silhouettes of men with no features. One was taller than the other. This was The Father and The Son. They walked up to me, and walked through me, and then walked back to the Delorean. They took off.

What did it mean? God is love. We have Huey Lewis and the News "The Power of Love."It could be taken to mean that Socialism and Luciferians have taken mankind off course, and away from the Kingdom of God, and we are going....."Back to the Future." The passing of the Father and Son through me signify that I was receiving a lot of God's Spirit.

During this time in June 2014, I was actively working for God online with my iphone4. I was posting things on "Champions for Christ" Facebook Page. I was taking notes. I was rolling with what God was giving me.

I was also experiencing some intense Spiritual things. For example, one day I felt spiritually drunk in a particular way. It was like my body felt like the black and white static on a TV screen, but it was black and red and felt intoxicating. It was a spiritual intoxication like I was reading Revelations with the mind of the man who wrote it. I also felt like I had gasoline in my blood, and was going at 1000 Miles per Hour. Given you notice some of the things I do with Music Videos on /r/tiesthatbind, during June 2014, I had a hard time stopping, and could chain videos together to tell a story or teach something at a very fast rate of speed. I believe my record was 187 videos in about 5 hours non-stop.

Being close to God, God being Holy and Separate from sin, I discovered I needed to confess my sins and had saved them. As I was working for God, he would remind me of some sin I had at a pace and speed I could handle. I would start feeling red hot like a lobster. Using reason and faith, I reasonably found ways to confess my sins, often publicly, and deal with them until I felt God and I were both satisfied. I found that my soul was stained with my sins, and they lived my subconscious. Even if I had not thought about them day to day, my sins were still there deep in my soul.

The only way to the father is through the son. Jesus shared the father with me. For a few weeks, it felt like God was a coin. On one side there was a stern man who was stoic and serious. On the other there was a playful fatherly figure who mostly wanted to tickle torture me in a fatherly playful way. It was like Jesus was protecting the father, and dealing with rough things. In some comic books a character may wear a costume to express some part of his personality so that he could be a different person when he is not in costume. That is, in a way, what I was seeing, but not 100% accurate. It is hard to give words to.

Man is made in the image of God. God is long suffering. I became aware of Jesus' pain and suffering. Having all these profound spiritual experiences, and changes, and going into homelessness at the same time was not easy. I ended up discovering "Until it Sleeps" Music Video by Metallica for the first time. I had not realized that music video was about religion or the spiritual before. I would be come aware of Jesus' suffering, and my own sin, and I would start posting "Until It Sleeps" online somewhere. This actually helped me feel better. I was in pain.

A lot of the first two weeks of June 2014 became blurry to me. When I say I was in pain, it was the type of pain that might drive someone mad or to suicide, and God has blocked some of it out to me. What helped me get through it was Lincoln Durham. Something about his music was gritty and hit on the spiritual just right that helped me feel better. Many times I was feeling spiritual hot and in pain by it in a way that all I wanted to do was lay down. I youtube searched "December." I found "December" Collective Soul. I would lay on my side, and listen to the lyrics and follow directions. It helped me feel better, and was profound in a "No Leaf Clover" way. God was also showing me a lot of ugly things that happens behind closed doors. I search on YouTube something about Secrets I believe. I found "Bleed Me Dry" Armada of Secrets. Something about the song also helped me feel better.